the shit has hit the fan

I am firmly convinced that there are at least 7.3 or 16.8 different people living inside my head. And each of them is doing something different at any given moment. Let me introduce you to all of them. In no particular order.

GermNazi: Phobic about all real and imaginary germs. She carries hand sanitizer and tissue paper at all times and regularly buys and uses industrial sized bottles of dettol. She washes her hands compulsively and reads about urine fertilizer with morbid fascination.

Shopaholic: It is a bad idea to let Shopaholic near a bank account. She can create massive financial destruction in the blink of an eye. She especially enjoys purchasing bags, bling jewels for her best friend Basanti and books for Academica.

Basanti: All about the bling. She comes from generations of village girls and has no problem with wearing bright yellow/lime green clothes to the office. Her favorite pastime is languishing under trees in filmi poses.

Academica: Academica likes to read fiction as well as selective nonfiction. She keeps up with political issues that interest her and is blank about those that don't make the cut. She likes to write papers and has varied research interests which range from bride napping in Kyrgyzstan to crocodile worship in Karachi and some very odd things in between.

Inspira: An inspiration to all the others, she often dreams up random ideas which range from making coolers to making bags to making earrings to ideas for research to various unmentionable crazy schemes which viewers should not try at home. Inspira is at the peak of her powers at 5 am. Beware.

Sleepaholic: Once slept 42 hours out of 60 on a bus ride. No further elaboration needed.

Bitchsnob: Bitchsnob is much like the Loch Ness monster. Some claim to see her all the time and some have never seen her. Her existence is debatable. The truth is out there…

Bum: Sleepaholic's best friend. Inherently lazy. Never wants to go to work. Is a bad influence on everyone except Inspira. Loves to watch mindless tv shows but on the pc instead of the tv. (The tv is too far.)

Pushovera: Selectively available for only the chosen few. A menace to everyone as she does anything and everything for the people she loves. Needs therapy.

Randoma: Randoma collects random bits of information and files them away for future use. She knows that a giraffe has a 26 inch long tongue that is black. She knows where to find *bleep* in Karachi. She knows about phallic symbolism in the Thundercats. She doesn't know math. No one does.

Matura: Is three hundred and eight years old. Always knows the right thing to do and usually does it even though Bum slows her down.

Innerchild: Is three years old. Usually kicks into action after Matura has taken action and chafes against it. Is mostly bluster. When Innerchild is awake at the same time as Inspira, elaborate practical jokes ensue.

Shutterbug: Takes pictures of everything and anything and then some. In search of the elusive “good” pictures. Carries at least one camera at all times.

Dreamer: Dreams a lot. Literally. Unfortunately only the dire dreams come true. Alarmingly often. Also an idealist and hence the worst enemy of Cynical

Cynical: Gloomy, pessimistic and not fun to be around. Allergic to chocolate. Bring on the chocolate.

Techie: Very repressed and skinny, almost non-existent, in fact the others often deny her existence altogether. Tends to show up uninvited.

I said at least 16.8 did I not? The 0.8 is a secret. The others are missing in action. Shoo.