the shit has hit the fan

got two frantic phone calls this afternoon.

Phone call no. 1
theme: oil absorbing facial wipes
the jist of the conversation: a girl at office just gave me one of these wipes and i looked at the packaging carefully and they are by clean and clear and where can i get them from? they were not like regular wipes, they were more rubbery and sort of dry. but they got all the oil. i get oily by lunch so i really need to get something like that. oh you think i should get oil controlling face wash? hmmmmm okkkkay....but these wipes...they were so cool...


Phone call no. 2
theme: i have issues going down on my girlfriend
the jist of the conversation: she can do it to me so easily but when i tried to do it to her, i froze up, gagged...ive been preparing myself for this, i even went to www.askmen.com and looked up tips but i just couldnt....so we stopped...im so embarrassed...i just want to die...how could i gag?!

funny thing is, the first call was from a guy and the second from a girl...

*glare* says:
well i am slightly psychic

fat girl says:
let not thine hair befuddle ye!

fat girl says:
nor thine jinglly jangly accessories

*glare* says:
on cue *jingle jangle jingle jangle*

fat girl says:
mirasi

*glare* says:
ethnoracist

*glare* says:
nazi supremist

*glare* says:
fascist

fat girl says:
yeah yeah whatevah. am so there!

*glare* says:
closet capitalist!!!

fat girl says:
*whips out giant bottle of coke from closet and sprays K with it*

fat girl says:
am coming out of closet!

fat girl says:
watch and weep!

*glare* says:
*k fizzles and melts like the wicked witch of the west*

*glare* says:
*all that is left is her hair*

*glare* says:
*fat girl dances around triumphantly*

*glare* says:
*suddenly each of k's hairs turns into a deadly black viper*

*glare* says:
*the 6653614632326148416536 black vipers attack fat girl*

*glare* says:
*fat girl dies a painful death*

*glare* says:
MUHAHAHAHAHAHA

fat girl says:
*suddenly the vipers pause mid triumph*

fat girl says:
oh no!

fat girl says:
*the vipers melt into the too much coke that has filled them from fat girl's veins*

fat girl says:
*they are later bottled and sold as part of coke's ambitious new campaing to attract the punk biker generation*

fat girl says:
*viper cola*

*glare* says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

*glare* says:
*viper cola loyalties pour into the k foundation*

*glare* says:
*the k foundation genetically re-engineers k*

*glare* says:
*k married johnny depp*

fat girl says:
who in a tragic twist involving an unused gene sample jar turns out to be her long lost brother

*glare* says:
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

fat girl says:
K part 2 is stripped of her property which is gievn over to the philantropic Fat girl memorial trust

*glare* says:
*the patrons of the fat girl memorial trust are immediately sent to the center for kids who cant spell good and want to learn to do other things good*

*glare* says:
*lightning strikes the memorial and it is completely destroyed*

fat girl says:
hahahah

fat girl says:
a happy ending for all!

*glare* says:
*the patrons are sent to the hyderabad pagal khana*

*glare* says:
haha yeah

fat girl says:
khee khee. am dead so my descendants had dwindled into apathy and chaos

*glare* says:
so had my...vipers

fat girl says:
luckily, a visitation from my spirit arrives just in time to transfer the trust's money into my swiss bank account

*glare* says:
shut up!!!

*glare* says:
youre DEAD

fat girl says:
vipers and fat girl molecules meet up and enjoy many riches

*glare* says:
MONEY CAN DO YOU NO GOOD

*glare* says:
oh both of us

fat girl says:
COURSE IT CAN!

*glare* says:
oh thats fine then

*glare* says:
hahahaha

fat girl says:
have u not heard of personal jets and european cruises?

*glare* says:
as long as its both of us

fat girl says:
anyhoo (in a pissy voice)

fat girl says:
fat girl and viper molecules later re enact their story on a broadway special and recieve great acclaim

fat girl says:
the end

*glare* says:
thankyouplease

*glare* says:
*claps*

fat girl says:
*flourishing bow*

*glare* says:
i shall blog all this

fat girl says:
hahaha

*glare* says:
i shall rename you to preserve annonymity

fat girl says:
will check kal and make sure no 'mistakes' ruin the story line

*glare* says:
what shall your name be?

fat girl says:
hm. u can pick ...something flattering

*glare* says:
okay

*glare* says:
flattering....

fat girl says:
FLATTERING TO ME!

*glare* says:
suuuuure

*glare* says:
hahaha

*glare* says:
of course darling

*glare* says:
dont you trust me